crossing the synaptic gap

It is estimated that there are approximately 500 trillion synaptic gaps in the human brain, or roughly each millimeter of the cerebral cortex (the top most portion of the brain one would obeserve if popping off the skull cap) containing approximately 1 billion. The significance of the synaptic gap is that it remains an abyss in its' complete understanding. It is terribly complex. There are any number of ways that disruption and catastrophic failure of any body system can occur.  Yet when it happens correctly it is like an experienced and beautiful symphony, composed of smaller instruments, the sounds they make produced at just the right moment, under the direction of the conductor can sound as beautiful as the "fur elise:, or the "Ode to Joy", Scientists are working feverishly to better understand what happens in this nano environment. In terms of modern biochemistry, our advances have allowed us to increase the power of the electron microscope of life, or that is attain a more "molecular" understanding of our body and the extraordinary mechanisms that exist to keep it alive and thinking. It is a miracle unto itself. In order for a heart beat to occur, or to move your finger, or to think about the events of the days past, a complex chemical reaction takes place in the brain. It starts as elecrical,  a change in the polarity of the cell membrane of the neuron, the polarity reverses and opens a series of floodgates that cause a chemical change, or a release of calcium into the space outside of the cell; then the neurochemicals are escorted from one axonal body across the synaptic gap to the dendritic body on the other side. Like taking a boat from North America to Africa. This is a rather simplistic explanation of an event that contains quite literally libraries full of information on just this subject. Understanding it more allows us to better control when and which neurochemicals cross this synaptic gap and make the difference between holding our bowel movements and crapping our pants.  From a systems prospective, all of these impulses travel to other areas of the body bringing with them information like telling the heart to beat 60 beats per minute, or telling the lungs to breath more rapidly because carbon dioxide is building up, or telling the kidneys to make more urine because sodium concentration is too high. They travel to the other areas of the body along the superhighway of the central nervous system which starts in the medulla of the brain and travels down protected by 7 cervical vertebrae, 12 thoracic vertebrae, and finally 5 lumbar vertebrae where it terminates at the coccyx. The vertebrae themselves when studied are nothing short of a miracle as they are a series of bones which sit on top of each other much like building blocks; positioned in just such a way to afford maximum protection of this delicate superhighway within a 155 pound average person that moves about space and contorts their spine in a variety ways from sitting, standing and walking, and falling. It functions perfectly until the forces of physics start to penetrate the fortress. It is then that the connections may become disrupted.
     It is 1995 and Christopher Reeve, the famous actor who portrayed superman, considered an avid and experienced english equestrian rider was running and jumping his gates wearing full body protection including a helmet. He is scheduled shortly to do a publicity video about the importance of safety gear and horseback riding. On his last gate which stood 3 and one half feet high, his horse suddenly could not anticipate where to plant its' hind legs in preparation of making the jump. Becoming confused, the horse stopped abruptly. The force of the stop caused Reeve to "roll up" the horses' head and over where he landed on the back of his head. He weighed roughly 200 lbs, traveling at 9.8 m/s/s in a projectile arc and hit the ground with the back of his head first. According to Newton's second law, the force exerted on the top of his spine was roughly 1000 kg/ square inch. Feel free to correct my kinematics, it's been a while. But the force was enough to fracture the first two cervical vertebrae and transect, or severely bend, like when you take a rope and make a 90 degree bend in it, and cause him to be paralyzed from the neck down, unable to breath unassissted because the nerve that told his diaphragm (the bellows of the breathing effort between your chest and abdomen) had been disrupted. There was a road block. The connection could not be made. I have never been that fond of horses. As a child of nine or ten I remember sleep-away camp in Shohola Falls Pennsylvania called "Buck and Beaver" where I was more apt to choose rifelry with a BB gun first, then a pellet, then a .22 gauge rifle, or kayaking, canoeing, anything but horseback riding. I wasn't particularly fond of their smell and to be quite honest, they were big animals and scary. The prospect of falling off was just too much to bear. The horse that waited for me to mount waited a long time. As a matter of fact, he waited until about a month ago when after my oldest daughter's riding lesson, her instructor talked me into going for a brief trail ride with her, to see how she was progressing.  There I stood in front of playboy stricken with fear, almost paralyzed and phobic. . Suddenly, the horse loomed dauntingly over me as if it wanted me to reach out and scratch its' nose. Which I did. "Don't know if that's a good idea." I nonverbally pleaded with her instructor. I had ridden horse once at that camp and vowed never to ride again. In the back of my head, all my synapses were flooded with ideas like "if injury myself how can I support my family" "ahw come on Dad, it'll be okay" hemmed my daughter's instructor; I looked into my daughter's eyes to see only expectant jubilation at the thought of riding horses with her dad. I put on the helmet and said "let's do this." Connie, my daughter's riding instructor, taught Julia on her first day, and me on this day, RULE#1:  never  let your horse sense fear. This is an interesting concept. A horse is trained to never fear its' rider. It must willingly, or unwillingly obey the commands it receives in the form of tugs on the reigns and gentle kicks to its hind quarters to travel right or left, start to gallup, stop, go backwards, do nothing, or cantor. A horse is "broken" when it can no longer act impulsively or instinctually when tacked and mounted (saddled) by a rider. Riding a horse becomes complicated when the horse senses that its' rider has fear. You see, to the horse, the rider CANNOT be afraid of the horse, (simply by mounting the horse, you infer to the horse that you are not afraid and by holding its' reigns, you now control the horses every move.) so if the horse senses fear it is sensing that the rider is afraid of something else in the immediate environment. If its' rider is spooked then the horse freaks out. It is in this moment that the discipline of the horse breaks down self preservation kicks in, and it can then start to act instinctually, such as when encountering a snake, a horse rears up to come down on the snake full force thus killing it and evading the perceived threat. He forgets that you are on him. You are then subject to the forces of nature and gravity and circumstance. How you land, and on what you land determines whether you live, die, or are paralyzed from the neck down unable to breathe unassisted by an artificial respirator. Mounting the horse, I felt oddly out of balance; I quickly corrected this by adjusting my feet in the stirrups. Gave myself a little more support, felt more comfortable. Every ounce of my being focused on not being afraid. I often tell my students when they enter an exam room, or perform any type of procedure, act like you've done it a thousand times. The patient will perceive your confidence and feel more comfortable in your care. Even if you are thinking in the back of your mind "please god let me not kill this woman" Don't show it. The reigns felt smooth hard and cold in my hands. I was amazed at how little movement here or there would cause the horse to respond. Connie says first time riders instinctively hold their reigns in too tight, which is horse language for STOP. Pull back REALLY far and the horse will start moving backward. I remember the giggles I heard from my daughter as she started to see me move in the reverse direction. "Dad, loosen up on those reigns" Connie calmly called from ahead. I don't even remember her actually looking behind her to see what was going on. And so I did. The rest of the ride was pretty uneventful. It was a leisurly ride through apple, pear and raspberry orchards with breathtaking vistas of the shawangunk mountains and the miles of farms that surrounded us. It was actually quite relaxing. The look in her eyes when we dismounted was all the encouragement I needed.
      Today was "family fun day" at Rocking Horse Ranch in Highland New York. It is a cowboy themed resort that features an indoor water park. I am not quite sure what indoor water parks have in common with horses, but apparently they are quite a pair. Also available were trail rides, pony rides, arts and crafts, etc. The minimum riding age at the ranch is seven. For safety reasons they are fairly firm on this. My daughter was having none of it. I stood at the front desk blankly figuring out how I was going to get her on a trail ride. Lou, the manager overhead me talking with the front desk girl and approached. Without me saying a word, she pretentiously looked up at the manager and said " I have my own helmet and I ride at coyote ridge all the time with aunt connie. I even rode at the Ulster County Fair." She pleaded. Lou agreed to "try her out in the corral" Which is exactly what they did. But before she mounted the horse, I remember she came down from the mounting stage,  walked up to the front of the horse (despite being repeatedly told by the handler to return to the mounting stage) and held out her hand in fornt of it's nose as if introducing herself. She pet him a few times and then proceeded to mount. The wrangler, although disenchanted with her breach of policy;  riders mount only from the stand and never approach the horse on the ground. Nonetheless , he was impressed that a 5 year old little girl had the knowledge to perform a simple yet crucial first step in the pre-flight checklist of horseback riding that so many riders frequently forget to do out of habit.  Connie taught Julia to let a horse smell you, and touch you, pet the horse, stroke the horse, speak to the horse and reassure the horse in calm tones so that the horse knows who is mounting and perceives you as no threat.  Imagine standing blindfolded and then having 200 lbs dropping on your back. The concept is stirring. The handler had her mount and gave her a series of instructions which she followed to a TEE. He was amazed and agreed to let her ride. We did the intermediate trail ride which involved walking and gallupping (a slow jog) Julia in front of my watchful protective eye at all times. Yet she was the experienced one, I, the novice. We laughed the whole ride. After the first gallup, Julia looked back at me to see if I was keeping up with her, which I was. I made a funny face and said"OOOOH Daddy's butt is hurting after that one." Julia giggled and said "Daddy you're being silly, you have stand up in the stirrups when you start the run." HHMM interestingly enough, on the second gallup, I actually used the stirrups to stand up a bit and sure enough, she was right. I, a man of age 39 years, masters and post graduate prepared in the sciences, well read,  whose vocation was in fixing broken people and preventing people from breaking, husband, father of three girls, had learned something from his five year old daughter. A connection was made. In the complicated play that is acted out each day of our lives, the endless rushing, the never ending list of things to do. Time stood still enough for me to know that this would be my connection to my daughter. It was on this day for the first time in many years that I was not thinking about the bills, my practice, a patient not fairing well, a parking ticket that needed to be paid, or Christopher Reeve who has since passed away,  but instead was awe inspired by what I had created and nurtured as she of 44 lbs and five years of age sat atop a one ton beast and controlled him without fear. Today was the first feeling in my life of great accomplishment.  New synapses are forming. They will undoubtedly take me on a journey to a part of my mind that I have yet to discover. I am a horse man now. I will learn with my daughter.
     It is difficult for a parent to cross this "synaptic gap" and connect with your child. I eagerly await what will come of Abigail and Chloe. How will I connect with them. Also of my wife. How will I continue to connect and reconnect with her?
It is a ride I WILL take. Fearless and in control.